Hey Jealousy
by jenajasper
Summary: This is an AU detour for Taxi Driver. I revamped ch 7 a little bit, it needed more angst
1. Chapter 1

Dean fully understood the magnitude of the favor he was asking of his friend. But, it was for Sam. He wouldn't allow his baby brother to suffer in that place any longer than was required. He knew a way out and he had to use it.

Benny did not know what Dean wanted of him but, it was an urgent need, he could feel it. They hadn't spoken for some time but, this relationship would not be measured in earthly time.

Benny remembered their last conversation.

"End of the line?"

"I'll never forget what you did for me."

'What I did for him', Benny thought. He has no idea what he did for me. Of course he would keep his word and deposit my soul to revitalize me. Of course he would come to my assistance when I called. How could I not go to him? Whatever he wants of me, I owe him.

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It was not the relationship either of them expected or intended. They fought side by side against all variety of abomination and horror. Benny killing scores of his own kind. Dean defending the existence of a vampire. The hunter and his prey in a delicate dance.

When the stress of the constant battling created anxiety in Dean, Benny would calm him. No matter how pure he called purgatory, Dean was still hampered by his humanity. Benny was not so encumbered. He did, however, wish to leave this place and for this he needed Dean.

They discovered they needed each other. The way out required both of their abilities. They also must survive until then.

There were those days where it seemed like a never ending combatic whirlwind but, at other times they would be granted respite. At these times, Benny would guard Dean as he slept. Sleep was not such a necessity as was rest. Dean was still human, after all.

He watched the lines relax on Dean's face. Once the fighting scowl was gone, he could see the true beauty of him. He knew Dean Winchester before he saw him. Michael's true vessel, even a monster like him could see the goodness inside that soul, trapped in this god-forsaken place.

The coldness of his touch caused Dean to stir but not awaken. Benny traced the remnants of a scar on an eyebrow and lightly stroked the strong line of his jaw. He slowly withdrew his hand as he perked up to the sound of snapping twigs.


	2. Chapter 2

Benny had not expected this question. Dean had not expected this answer (not really).

Return to purgatory? To save his brother?

Benny saw the difficulty of asking in Dean's eyes; he heard it in his voice. Dean didn't know if he would ever leave purgatory and did not regret what they had done. However, once he learned of a way out, reuniting with his brother fueled his hope. And Benny knew, as loyal as Dean had been to him, his heart was elsewhere.

He could not refuse Dean this one thing. he could not refuse Dean anything.

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The threat had passed. Whatever caused the twig to break had moved on. They were safe; Dean was safe.

He looked again at his peaceful expression. He wondered if there were dreams. Benny had dreams but, he didn't need to be asleep. He was dreaming now.

He lightly ran his fingers through the short copper colored hair, relishing the softness beneath the grime and caked on mud. He absently chipped away at it.

Dean stirred again, this time he opened his eyes. He was looking into the deep blue vastness of Benny's dark soul. It touched him. He didn't pull away from the touch. He didn't shy away from the look.

Benny moved his hand to the back of Dean's head and lifted him. With no resistance, it was easy for him. Dean reached out to rest his hands on Benny's shoulders.

The lack of hesitation didn't surprise either of them. This was necessary. This would save them both.

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Benny knew Dean would always choose Sam over him, over anyone. The only one who didn't seem to know was Sam. When he met Sam, the look in his eyes was more than a reaction to a vampire. He could see anger and resentment. Dean was his and he wouldn't share him. Sam's eyes had told him this.

Dean had stopped his brother from taking action. It wasn't Benny's place to explain. He left the brothers alone to work it out. Knowing Dean as he did, he knew Sam was not informed, regardless of his suspicions.

But, Benny had always known there was someone else. It was there between them. Their intimacy was complete. Benny had a hold of all of Dean. He had his body, willingly, but also his thoughts and true emotions were exposed to him. He felt what Dean felt and whatever he could get from him, there was something not available. Something he held apart for Sam (his Sammy).


	3. Chapter 3

Dean promised to be in Maine when they returned. He would be forever grateful. Benny knew forever. It had been forever until he met Dean. It would be forever if Dean could be with him. However, his heart was elsewhere and Benny must respect that. Sam and Dean belonged together and he would do this for him.

They looked into each other's eyes for, what he knew, might be the last time. Benny smiled; deep in his memory he recalled a story of sacrifice for love (it is a far far better thing that I do).

"Let's do this." He said.

He could see the development of tears in his friend's eyes. But, he was not afraid.

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Benny knew there would not be much time. Once he found them, he had to get them out. Sam's humanity and his friend's heaven bound soul would be like neon.

He had a decision to make. Dean would be there for him but he would be waiting for Sam. If Sam would not give Dean what he needed, would Benny take Dean for himself?

He found them and after saving both of their necks, they didn't seem happy to see him. That might have hurt his feelings, if he had any for either of them. When he told them that Dean sent him, he saw that look again.

No matter what little time they had, Benny would get the answer to his questions. He told the old man they were safe for the moment. He needed a minute with Sam.

"You know why Dean sent me, don't you?"

"Because you know the way out. We're wasting time with this, Benny." He said the name like it left a bad taste in his mouth.

Benny shook his head before he spoke again. "He sent me to save you, jackass. And he told me you were the smart one."

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They were so happy to see each other again. It felt so good to hold him again, feel the warmth of him. Dean had been concerned about how he had managed after he stopped trying to save him.

They had a deal, Sam told him. He had gotten reamed twice for that remark. "That's a non-agreement", Bobby said.

"Our deep abiding love for each other.." Dean had spit out at him.

It was then that Sam felt a change in Dean's demeanor. He became cold and hard. Sam was afraid he may have lost him again.

He remembered other remarks as well, 'He's the reason I'm topside. He never let me down.' Had Dean found someone else in whom he could trust, who wouldn't betray him? How could he compete with that?

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	4. Chapter 4

Sam ignored the comment. "We have to get Bobby's soul to heaven.."

Benny turned his back not to show his fleeting patience. He said, "I need to ask you a question before we go."

Sam told him to face him. He was apprehensive about what Benny might say but he wouldn't show that fear. He recalled a question he had asked his brother, not too long ago, whether or not he was done with Benny. Dean said that he honestly didn't know.

Benny turned and said, ""You know what is between us?"

Haltingly, Sam answered. "You and me or you and him?"

"Is it not all one and the same?"

Sam nodded before he spoke. "What do you want, Benny? To have him for yourself? I don't know if I can let that happen."

"I just want assurances. I want to know that you will give him what he wants. If not, I will. I'm giving you fair warning, Sam. It's funny, in another time, I would be searching out my dueling pistols."

Sam hung his head; he told Benny that he could feel the difference since Dean came back. There was a distance between them. Benny was amused that Sam couldn't see it was guilt that Dean was displaying. Close the distance, he told him. He would not interfere.

Sam said he didn't think his brother wanted him anymore. He had been preparing to move on; he was thinking about a girl.

Benny laughed. "Cherchez la femme. You always find a girl when Dean is gone. Don't you see, you miss the comfort and the care."

Sam turned his back. Who was this undead thing to tell him how he felt about his brother? And how could he know? His mind was crowded with conflicting thoughts and emotions.

"There's only one way I could get here, Sam."

He thought about that. Dean had done this for him. He turned back to face Benny. Thank you was all he said.

Benny took hold of Sam's arm and they returned to Bobby. The way out was only a few yards away. As the vampires approached, Sam tried to hurry Benny into the ritual. But, he only smiled and turned to hold off the threat. His responsibility was to return Sam to his brother.

Sam tried to stop him. Benny smiled and said, "Make him happy, Sam. Don't disappoint ." As he walked away, Sam called to him once more. Benny stopped and said, "Tell Dean I said good-bye."


	5. Chapter 5

He felt the pull of humanity. It lead him to the same spot where he had watched Dean escape this wretched place. He panicked at the thought that it might be him. That something had gone horribly wrong and all his efforts had not been enough to save him.

Cas remembered the day Dean found him, how he had convinced him to follow. 'I'm not leaving here without you.' Of course not. Dean was nothing if not a loyal friend.

That was the only way to explain his alliance with Benny. Cas knew that to save Dean's life was to earn his trust. If not trust, at least his allegiance.

Dean needed to believe that Cas left him because he had no choice. But the danger was to Dean that caused Cas to leave. The Leviathan wanted Cas but they wanted Dean just as badly. Let him think that was the only reason.

Castiel sensed the need in Dean for more than he could give. Cas loved Dean, he was his heavenly charge, after all. But, he could only love him as he was able. It was pure and chaste. Dean needed the comfort and the release that comes with the physical. Benny could give him that. It would never happen as long as Cas was around.

He was intrigued to see the vampire back in purgatory. But, more so to see Sam and Bobby. He knew Bobby was dead and surmised that Sam had come to rescue him. And Benny?

Cas could easily make the leap that would have Dean kill Benny to save Sam. The brothers' love was even beyond the rules of heaven and hell.

He watched as Sam took Bobby's soul. He saw the other vampires stalking the hunters and was preparing to go to their aid. Then he watched in awe as Benny gave himself to save them.

Castiel felt the closest to envy that he would ever know. He was aware that returning Sam to his brother was Benny's ultimate gift to Dean.

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Benny walked toward them. He had no illusions. The word was already spreading about his association with the humans. He was a traitor. He was not even worthy of purgatory. He was also something else. He was willing to die for Dean.

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Upon reaching the meeting point, Dean rolled down the window and decided to wait in the car. He had his head back and the radio on. Either time was moving too slowly or the combination of adrenaline and anxiety was causing his nerves to move too quickly. He had to expend this energy. He got out of the car to bury Benny.

Within a few minutes, Dean was standing at the rear of the Impala. He put his hands on the trunk and spoke to the remains of his friend.

"I can never repay you for what you've done and I promise you things will be different when you get back."

Sam had needed him to make a choice and he had made that choice. But, he had also promised Benny. What would he do now?


	6. Chapter 6

Dean's thoughts were interrupted by a flash of light from within the trees. The nervous energy he was experiencing became almost frantic. He tapped on the trunk, as if signalling in code.

He saw his brother, in silhouette, walking towards him and the relief forced his emotions outward. He realized he was breathing normally again. They hugged to the point of endangering their air supply.

When they separated, Dean softly cupped his brother's face. Even though Sam said he was alright, Dean would usually decide that for himself. He checked for clarity in his little brother's eyes and saw something else, something warm and familiar. He felt heat within himself and watched Sam's expression change as he leaned into the touch.

It had been months and still the brothers' relationship had not returned to the way it had been. One was feeling unwanted and the other was feeling unworthy.

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Sam had tried to move on without his brother. It was torturous for him that he could not help Dean. He had no one and no idea what to do. He was not looking for anyone when he found Amelia. She was just as lonely and damaged and he held on. Benny was right. She gave him the tenderness and comfort that he needed. But still the emptiness wouldn't go away.

He stopped hunting; he stayed away from anything that would remind him of that life, except for Dean's baby, the Impala. It was all he had and he cared for her and protected her. Somewhere deep inside she helped to keep the tiniest piece of him alive.

The pain in his arm reminded Sam of his current task. After getting Bobby to heaven, Dean asked about Benny. Dean was not so surprised to hear that Benny had stayed behind by choice. He was having a difficult time in this world and he was alone. Dean felt responsible for this, for him. He often felt responsible for everything.

Dean thought back to a conversation with Benny. He had never told anyone else about his feelings for Sam. Benny gave Dean what comfort he could. But, once it became a possibility for him to return, they decided to stay apart. They had talked of home and family. Dean told Benny that they didn't get a family. "You've got Sam," Benny answered.

This was meant to make Dean happy; it only made him feel guilty. How could ever tell Sam what he had done? It was a horrible feeling being separated like this. They had not even said good-bye.

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The day had started ominously but ended successfully. Dean was able to thwart Crowley's attempt at trapping Sam in purgatory, they had completed the second trial and Bobby's soul was where it belonged. Even with all this, the car ride home was silent and bleak. Dean wasn't talking and Sam knew his brother well enough to know when to leave it alone.


	7. Chapter 7

Sam could see his brother was fighting his emotions. He hated that Dean was trying to handle this alone. Sam was determined to fix things.

He was prepared for a fight but he spoke anyway. "Dean, we have to talk about this."

Dean sighed and tried to give his brother a silencing look. It wasn't sincere. He gave up and he gave in. "You won't want to hear this but, I have to tell you something about Benny."

"No, Dean. You really don't. I understand."

"I don't want you to understand. I want you to know." Sam nodded and said nothing. "You saw what it was like there.."

". I can't believe you had to deal with that.."

" You'd be surprised what you're capable of. After Cas left me, I was on edge all the time. I couldn't let my guard down for a minute."

"I'm so sorry. I wish..."

"No, that's not why I'm telling you. It wasn't your fault, not at all. And then Benny showed up. He saved my life."

"I know, more than once, I know."

"And not just by killing" Dean paused. He knew from this point on, there was no turning back. "He saved me, Sam."

"Dean, he's different from what I thought. I can see why you're friends with him."

"Are you doing this on purpose?"

"I'm sorry. I know this is hard for you and you don't have to say anymore. I know, okay?"

"What? What do you think you know, Sam?"

"What you did there was what you had to do. I had a talk with Benny. Why do you think he didn't come back?"

"He told me it was hard for him here. You told me he used himself as bait." He closed his eyes and pictured Benny being ripped apart because of him.

"Dean, it was you. He couldn't be with you."

"No! We talked about that. We agreed. He knew how I felt about ...things" This Dean spoke almost to himself.

" Things?" Sam paused, a slight smile on his lips. "Anyways, I said it wrong. He knew he couldn't be with you. He did a good thing." Dean glared at him. "Just listen. He realized he shouldn't have come back but you did that because he asked you to. He wanted to do something for you"

"He died for that, for me? What am I supposed to do with that?"

Sam asked Dean why it was okay for him to sacrifice himself for a stranger but not acceptable for someone who loves him to do the same?

"That's not what I'm saying."

"That's exactly what you're saying. Why can't you just let him give you this gift? You want to know the last thing he said to me?" Dean had long since pulled the car over and was now facing his brother with his back against the door. Sam slid across the seat until he was able to rest his hand on Dean.

"He said, 'tell Dean I said good-bye.' He was thinking of you." He lightly squeezed Dean's leg as Dean spoke almost in a whisper, "He sent you back to me."

Sam reached out and gently raised his brother's head until they were once again looking at each other. "He wanted you to be happy. He told me so. Let me make you happy."


End file.
